Nobody want’s to die, but we all want to make heaven. It’s so amazing how some tragedy of life could sound so funny, but factual. However, with the humor in the world we have decided to make a compilations of Top Funny Life Quote that Changes Everything
1. Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe. —Albert Einstein
Pin
2. Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead. —Charles Bukowski
3. Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand. —Kurt Vonnegut
4. All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. —Charles Schulz
5. Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer. —Ellen DeGeneres
6. All generalizations are false, including this one. —Mark Twain
7. When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear. —Mark Twain
[tweetshare tweet=”8. “When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” —Cathy Guisewite” username=”itzandyjones”]
9. Life is pain. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something. —William Goldman
Pin
10. A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often. —Oliver Herford
11. I can resist everything except temptation. —Oscar Wilde
12. The planet is fine. The people are fucked. —George Carlin
13. The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept. —George Carlin
14. I love deadlines, I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. —Douglas Adams
15. Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright. —Laurell K. Hamilton
[tweetshare tweet=”16. “Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.” —Robert A Heinlein” username=”itzandyjones”]
17. If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out. —Lawrence Ferlinghetti
Pin
18. Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. — Jim Carrey mnc
19. What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife. —Rodney Dangerfield
20. Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics. —Author unknown
21. When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time. —Author unknown
22. There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it. — Oscar Wilde
[tweetshare tweet=”23. “If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. It is the parent of all enterprise, and the cause of all improvement.” —Author unknown” username=”itzandyjones”]
24. Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique and not too much imagination. – Christopher Isherwood
Pin
25. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. – Author unknown
26. An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, “So far so good!” – Author unknown
27. When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane. – Steven Wright
28. Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television. – Woody Allen
29. Life is just one damned thing after another. – Elbert Hubbard
30. Life is as tedious as a twice-told tale vexing the dull ear of a drowsy man. – William Shakespeare
[tweetshare tweet=”31. “Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he’s talking about.” —Sam Ewing” username=”itzandyjones”]
32. I think I’ve discovered the secret of life – you just hang around until you get used to it. – Charles Schulz
Pin
33. When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. – Mark Twain
34. Eagles may soar in the clouds, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines. – Steven Wright
35. It’s always darkest before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it. – Author unknown
36. Ability is what will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter. – Author unknown
[tweetshare tweet=”37. “Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.” —P. D. East” username=”itzandyjones”]
38. Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. – Mark Twain
Pin
39. I told my dad I stopped raising hell and he called me a quitter! – Author unknown
40. I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. – Sherrilyn Kenyon in “Dance with the Devil”
41.Smile, tomorrow will be worse. – Author unknown
[tweetshare tweet=”42. “It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.” —Author unknown” username=”itzandyjones”]
43. When I’m right, no one remembers, when I’m wrong, no one forgets. – Author unknown
Pin
44. We never really grow up. We just learn how to act in public. – Bryan White
45. Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life. – George Bernard Shaw
46. Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t. – Author unknown
[tweetshare tweet=”47. “If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. ” —Steven Wright” username=”itzandyjones”]
